A ride to the airport

D picked me up to take me to JFK, via the Kew Motor Inn. A standard pattern - we smoked some pot, drank a cocktail, kissed in the chair, lost control, ended up fucking uncomfortably on the chair, and moved to the bed - more fucking, a lot of oral, at some point D was back in the chair smoking a cigarette and I went down on her again. The delicious blur of stoned sex with D, with whom I am relentless and she is insatiable - though she does plead for a break every now and then.

We were in one of the Kew's mirrored rooms, and D did a lot of watching when I was on top fucking her. I did not do so much watching, except when she was giving me a blowjob. But the mirrors are somehow pleasing to have for me even if I do not look at them much, and this is something that I understand and appreciate better having been with Z, for whom the mirrors at the Liberty Inn were very important.

We finished with some deep ass-fucking and I was on the brink of coming but it was not quite happening, so I pulled out and while D watched in the mirror alongside the bed I jerked off, spraying on to her ass and cunt lips, which is something that we have not done, or not in quite that way, before. A standard trope of porn, but it did not seem as it does in porn, as done for the sake of the spectator. I wanted her to feel my hot sperm splashing between her legs, and she did feel it and loved it. Watching was not really the point for her or me, though of course we were both watching. But this whole issue of the relation between real sex and porn sex is complicated.

Sex with D is very intense and energetic, and in many ways it is with D that sex is most like the kind of sex that is depicted in porno movies. Describing the sex is difficult, therefore, because the language has been co-opted by porn, and yet there is something quite wrong about porn. Or anyway about the kind of porn that dominates the free porn sites and the porn shops. What is wrong is not just the hokey plots, nor the almost perpetual degrading of women, the bizarre positions adopted just to give the camera access to close-ups, the money shots; the character of the sexual connection depicted is wrong. When I am pounding D as hard as I can, and even when this is facilitated or driven by a kind of aggression, a refusal to think about or care what it feels like for her, still I look her in the eye (or if that is not possible, still I feel as though I would be looking her in the eye if I could). I use her name. To me it is especially important to transmit my recognition of her, my acknowledgement of the use of her body that she has granted me, and the importance of her pleasure even when both she and I are enjoying the fact that I am attending only to my pleasure and not to hers. I wonder if a film of our sex could even function as pornography because of this connectedness - that porn works by allowing the (typically male) viewer to take the place of the man doing the fucking on screen, and this requires a lack of connectedness between him and the woman he is fucking. Too much connectedness and it becomes impossible for the viewer to replace the man in imagination to the extent that is required for porn to do its work, whatever that is. To watch D and I go at it would presumably please a voyeur, but the porn-viewer is not in this sense a voyeur at all.

D sent a recap, as she often does. Here is an edited version:

I have been very horny all day thinking about our meeting yesterday. I feel very fortunate to enjoy something so completely... and I don't think I was trying to be greedy with you yesterday.. I am simply an opportunist and the opportunities with you are few so I am compelled to take advantage when I can. I noticed your hard on when we were kissing and groping outside at the airport.. I have been very wet all day thinking about it. I did enjoy very much all your tongue work yesterday... it seemed like everytime you began licking my cunt it felt new to me.. like I hadn't had it in quite some time and I was absolutely dying for it. And that mad fucking when you were holding my hands down and pounding me fiercely... at one point you stopped and it seemed like you just couldn't do it anymore... it was very exciting... and when you jerked inbetween my legs after you fucked me hard up the ass... that was fucking amazing! Why it just goes to show how many things we can do. And I didn't even get to fuck you in the ass . If you had only believed me about the time to get to the airport, why... you could have been very uncomfortable sitting on a plane for 8 hours after being fucked in the ass with the 8 inch... I would have taken no mercy on you...

But the problem seems to be that I get very greedy with all those orgasms you give me.. I just don't know how to stop my insatiable desire for you to travel back down my body and lick my pussy with that magical tongue and mouth of yours. I just love it so much ...and it seems so easy to get when I am with you.

'Greedy' is not the right word at all. D has an almost inexhaustible capacity for orgasm, so there is no reason why she should not have as many as she wants. And this is what she should expect from sex, and what it is a pleasure to give her.