Holding back

I do not know why I come much more quickly fucking C than fucking anyone else, but I suspect that it is a conditioned response. Once she has come she is done, and wants me to be done too. I give her what she wants. I get it over with because she wants it over with. Very often, I come with her. If I don't come with her, I fuck her until I come myself. These days, we nearly always fuck in a fairly standard missionary position, and I usually just stay on top and fuck myself to climax. But sometimes - and we used to do this more often - I will pull out and ask her to turn around so that I can fuck her from behind, a position that I find extremely pleasurable and that is very effective in helping me to come.

Women like D or Q who can come again and again, and who like to be fucked after they have come just as much as they like to be fucked before, elicit a quite different response from me. I give them what they want too, but as they don't want it to be over with, I don't do anything to get it over with. Perhaps this is also a conditioned response. When I do come, it is typically after a long, varied fuck, and my approach to orgasm is deliciously drawn out. the climax is itself very intense, and with D in particular, the synchronicity of our orgasms is precise and powerful. Sometimes, I can come two or three times close together - that is, I arrive at orgasm, ejaculate in a couple of spurts while planting my cock deep, and am able once I have done that to resume fucking, and ejaculate again a little later. This does not feel like multiple orgasm - though of course I do not really know what multiple orgasms feels like, so perhaps this is just how it feels. To me, it is as if one, large ejaculatory orgasm is divided up into a couple or three discrete sections. This is the product of a kind of self-control: by easing gently up to my own climax, stepping just a little closer to the edge with each thrust, I can stretch out the period in which coming is inevitable but I have not yet come. When I finally ejaculate, I try to stay still as the first jets of seed pulse through my cock, and this helps me to stay hard, to resume thrusting, to stretch out the orgasm and take me to another series of pulsing spurts of come. There is not much doubt that this is easier when I am dosed up with Viagra - another benefit of that useful compound.

I can fuck for a long time without coming, but this is not because I am good at 'holding back'. In fact, I am not very good at holding back at all. When it would be inadvisable for me to come, as it is with J or F because of worries (though slight ones) about conception, I sometimes find that I have to withdraw, in order to put more distance between myself and my own climax. But this kind of holding back is fun - not at all like the holding back that I used, in the days when I was a premature ejaculator, to attempt by thinking about the laundry, or my grandmother's Hummel figures, or the 'Paralogisms of Pure Reason' from Kant's first Critique.

*

Performance-enhancing drugs are good - they enhance performance, and enhanced performance is good. Viagra is a performance-enhancing drug. So Viagra is good.

And yet . . .

Beta-blockers enhance performance in professional snooker but are bad - players who use them cheat. If everyone else in snooker cheats, the person who doesn't cheat is worthy of respect and admiration, though she may also be a sucker. If she cheats because - well, everyone else does, - she may not attract our condemnation, but she disappoints us all the same. We want games like snooker to be on the level.

The game is on the level if no player has an unfair advantage over another. If both players take the same performance-enhancing drugs there is no unfairness, for there is no advantage. Yet we still find performance-enhancement suspect. Why? In most games, players are in competition not just with the players they play against - against whom they compete directly - but also the players of earlier and later generations, and especially the greats of the game. Comparisons across time are impossible if the conditions under which a game is played change radically enough. Performance-enhancing drugs bring about radical changes in performance - that is the point of them, after all - and so tilt the level of the game iremediably. In this way they are like technological advances in the equipment of the game - the aluminium bats that are illegal in baseball, the carbon-fibre rackets that ought to have been made illegal in lawn-tennis, but instead were allowed to transform the game into something radically different.

Am I cheating, when I use Viagra? I cannot see how. Who is being cheated? I am not playing against anyone at all, but rather playing with someone, and the person I am playing with benefits from my enhanced performance just as much as I do. I am not playing against other men when I fuck a woman - how could I be? Even if I were, I would take no unfair advantage, for other men are free to take Viagra as I do. Comparisons across times are irrelevant with sex, for sex is private and particular: there are no record books, no greats. There is nothing at stake except that private and particular pleasure. Sex is play, to be sure, but sex is not a game.

If I'm not cheating when I take Viagra, why is it still a source of unease? I use Viagra more often than I say I do (though I say I do fairly often), and I feel some sort of embarassment about doing so. I think the explanation of this must trace back to deep convictions about the naturalness of sex, about the way in which culture and artifice is supposed to be discarded along with the underwear. The idea that sex is natural is itself a cultural construct, but I admit that it does not feel that way when I am fucking. Losing myself in my body and hers, in the rhythms and motions of fucking, I take delight in a way that feels so direct and immediate that I cannot see why men and women should not have pleased themselves this way forever. If they did not, well still, they might have. That, anyway, is how it feels.

Viagra interferes with this ahistorical sense of naturalness. If I do what I do because I am stoked up with pharmaceuticals, I do not do what some aborigine might have done. But the pharmaceuticals are really the least of it here. What separates me from the aborigine is overwhelmingly a matter of culture rather than pharmacology (though the aborigines, we can bet, had their own interesting mind/body altering drugs and rituals too). I fuck in the twenty-first century. No fucking I do now might ever have been done much before now. That is less true in some parts of the world than others, and among certain segments of society compared with others, but it is true of us all in some degree. I am not fucking on the level with humans everywhere else, everywhen else. But it is part of the mythology of sex that I am, nevertheless. Viagra is a cool blue reminder that this is just a myth.

Serendipity

Set-piece sexual marathons (Credulity) are one thing; serendipitous concatenations of circumstances another. Yet the results of one can resemble the results of the other.

A Sunday, beginning with what, for intra-marital sex, was a pretty good start. Because C uses suppositories to improve vaginal lubrication and supplements this with a good dollop of Astroglide beforehand, there is little need for foreplay in order to ready her for penetration. A bit of fingering, some kissing, and it's "Shall we fuck?". Today, as usual, C came quickly, probably within a minute. Q comes even more quickly, but with her, the first orgasm is separated from the last by unnumbered orgasms in between; with C, the first is last, the last first (Mark 10: 31 - last verse of a very interesting chapter). So I indulged myself for a little longer and then came inside her.

Dozing afterwards, while C went for a run, I was still aroused, so I jerked off.

Later in the day, walking home from an errand, I called J and found her at home. So I went by for half an hour, or a little more, of vigorous fucking.
In the evening, thanks to the cancellation of an obligation kept to myself, I had a couple of hours with a solid alibi, so I visited Faith. In preparation I got a little stoned and nibbled on the little blue diamond, and was rewarded with a wonderful session of fucking, ass-fucking, oral. With time up, I jerked off in to F's mouth, and she generously did not swallow so that we could share. The first ejaculation felt partial to me, so I carried on and soon - within thirty seconds, perhaps - produced another decent gob of come for F to receive and transmit. Yet this still felt like it was not the end, so I set out after the last load, which, when it arrived, was more copious than the first or second.

The 'multiple orgasm' has happened quite a few times before, mostly with D, but a couple of times with F and very memorably with M (memorable especially because that was while fucking rather than during a handjob or blowjob). My hunch is that it happens only with some pharmaceutical help, but I don't keep records detailed enough to know if that is so. Anyway, it is a lot of fun, and that is magnified by snowballing. Coming in F's mouth, and then sharing all that in a kiss - well, what is there to do after than but the same thing again? And then again, again. And sharper, stronger each time, with the gathering mass and speed of a cartoon snowball heading downhill.

None of this was planned or in place when I woke up this morning. All of it was happenstance, and might not have happened at all. Candy, fond of Hamlet, would surely quote, here: "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will."

Days off work

Reading the few w4m posts that are not spam on CL, or perusing profiles on Ashley Madison or similar sites, one could easily get the impression that the most important factors in determining hook-ups are sexual chemistry, immediate attraction (though mediated electronically), compatible sexual tastes and preferences, etc. Perhaps, for many women, this is so - they can expect to be picking among many respondents (though few viable ones). To me, however, it would be preferable, and certainly would save a lot of time, if I could filter out all the people who are non-starters because of scheduling issues. No matter how sexually compatible, attractive, or sympathetic, most people have real jobs with standard working hours, and so are unavailable at the only times that I can be free to fuck. With a filter in place, I could devote my attention to whatever made it through the filter - men, women, couples, groups, tvs, crossdressers, ftms, mtfs, gloryholes, whatever. Quite a lot would make it through, but there would not be too many women among them.

When I first met J she was working only three, sometimes four, days a week, so that worked well. Our first few times together were fun, and progressively more so, as I learned my way around her body, her sexuality. But relatively soon she landed a full-time job and so is hardly ever free at a time when I am free. She does, however, slowly accumulate entitlement to days off work, and when that happens we can sometimes get together. Yesterday was such a day. Before visiting J, though, I spent about an hour-and-a-half with F, which was very pleasant. I then had a few hits of pot and a dose of Viagra and called on J.

J's main complaint about the men who fuck her, which I have mentioned before, is that they do not fuck her hard enough or for long enough. Viagra is therefore a sensible drug to take before visiting her. Getting a little stoned is also quite a good idea, as it relaxes and sensitizes me, and aids the kind of relentless fucking that J likes. The relaxation and sensitization helps me to maximize my delight in J's vast body, and to transmit that delight to her, and that too is something that J likes, and even more important, something that she deserves.

We fucked a lot, and I tried to fuck her harder than ever, pinning her down with her legs on my shoulders and pounding her until her legs cramped up and she had to free herself, or taking her from behind, her kneeling on the edge of the bed while I stood behind her on the floor and went at her. In this second position there is almost no contact between us besides that of my cock in her cunt and the hard slap against her big ass as I drive my cock home. She feels my balls swinging against her clit. And her whole body registers the shock of my slamming into her, ripples running through her flesh.

Besides the fucking, we talked about a musician who had fucked her recently, about politics, I went down on her and fingered her, she sucked my cock. All of that is great too, but it is the fucking that J craves. I would fuck her more, but our schedules conflict - the worst kind of sexual incompatibility there is.

And on the seventh day . . .

. . no rest. Really, no rest at all, and almost no sleep. I spent from midnight until 6.30 am with F, and almost all of that time was spent fucking or sucking or licking or kissing. In one quieter interlude, we both dozed off for a short while, and F also drifted into sleep with my cock in her mouth, which was charming. Otherwise, we were always doing something or other. I had ultra-caffeinated myself beforehand, but I am sure it was mainly sexual excitement that kept me awake. I got just a tiny bit stoned before arriving, and also nibbled on some Viagra to ensure decent performance in the early going.

This was the longest time F and I have ever spent together, and also the first time we have been together in the hours of darkness. It was really remarkable and wonderful. F has a level of sexual energy, and a capacity to give and receive pleasure, that is exceeded in my experience only by D.

I was home and showered by 7.30, giving me ninety minutes before D picked me up and we headed to the seedy and sleazy Seton, the Liberty Inn having no rooms until after noon. Though the Seton is a total dump, it really does not matter much, and we needed a bed and at least some facilities for clean-up as D was in the full flow of her period. It was a bloodbath, but D was in tremendous form, strong and free, riding my cock through a wave of orgasms at the start. After that we did a little bit of everything, and a lot of some things. Clean-up in the sink afterwards did rather resemble washing-down in the butcher's shop at the end of business, but no-one had been killed or even harmed.

Six days

Compared to God, I get rather little done in six days. I fucked F on Monday, D on Tuesday, F again on Wednesday and Thursday, D again on Friday, and then on Saturday morning fucked J. I do not plan to rest on the seventh day, however, as D is coming into the city for a drive-by, and perhaps I will be able to put other arrangements in place. The last time I visited J, I had some difficulty sustaining an erection hard enough to fuck her with. I do think J's hugeness makes this a bit more of an issue that it would otherwise be. With D and F, even if I am not very hard, I can typically manage to get my half-hard cock inside, and then I usually harden up as I work my cock in and out. This is harder to manage with J; there are fewer positions that work with her, and it is somehow more awkward finding the mouth of her cunt with the head of my cock. Also, she has a tight cunt, and it tends to tighten up even more when she comes. On this occasion, things went well. I took a precautionary dose of Viagra beforehand, however, so sticklers may wish to attach an asterisk to what follows.

J was in her robe when I arrived, and we proceeded to christen her new bed. I climbed on and fucked her, we then shifted to fucking from behind with her kneeling on the edge of the bed and me standing behind her, a position that has always been a favourite of ours. What else? A lot of fingering, a lot of oral, and she also played with her clit and brought herself off while I tried to attack her g-spot. I have no idea whether I hit it or not, but she did come long and hard. We chatted about her first date with a guy who seems promising, about circumcision, about how in hell she managed to be so unfucked up about sex given her background and her struggles with being always the fat girl. Then we fucked some more, including some very hard pounding and slamming of the sort that J complains no-one but me will give her. Finally, I jerked off and came all over her.

Sessions with D and F were, as usual, extremely enjoyable.

Philo of Alexandria attributes to God a rather interesting reason for creating in six days. God could of course have done everything at once, in the manner of Captain Picard: "Light, expanse between the waters, land and sea, grass, herbs, fruit-trees, stars, sun, moon, fish, fowl, cattle, creeping things, beasts of the earth, man and woman: make it so!" But besides creating, God also needed to arrange things, according to Philo, and arrangement is to do with number and order - and so obviously he did it in six days:

of all numbers, six is, by the laws of nature, the most productive: for of all the numbers, from the unit upwards, it is the first perfect one, being made equal to its parts, and being made complete by them; the number three being half of it, and the number two a third of it, and the unit a sixth of it, and, so to say, it is formed so as to be both male and female, and is made up of the power of both natures; for in existing things the odd number is the male, and the even number is the female; accordingly, of odd numbers the first is the number three, and of even numbers the first is two, and the two numbers multiplied together make six. It was fitting therefore, that the world, being the most perfect of created things, should be made according to the perfect number, namely, six: and, as it was to have in it the causes of both, which arise from combination, that it should be formed according to a mixed number, the first combination of odd and even numbers, since it was to embrace the character both of the male who sows the seed, and of the female who receives it. (Philo, On the creation, III)

Why are odd numbers male, even numbers female? Philo does not say. And he does not think the number one is odd, either, being the unit out of which all other numbers, even and odd, are made. Still, I like this explanation - fucking seems to play a role even in determining how God chose to create the world. In fucking, the man sows the seed, the woman receives it; he is odd and she is even; three times two is six; so God created the world in six days. I suppose that if it had been Adam and Steve rather than Adam and Eve God would have taken nine days to create.

Philo, though, is a bad guy in terms of circumcision, which he defends not just for its symbolic value, health benefits, and so on, but also because it diminishes pleasure. Adam was not circumcised though - if he had been, I think he would have been less of a man than he was. That would be at best two and a half times two, or five days for creation. Not the same at all, for five is not a perfect number but a prime, and those numbers are weird.

Routine physical

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But sometimes reality intervenes to slow you down anyway

I had everything in place to go spend a couple of hours with A this evening - but her husband suddenly decided to stick around with her rather than head home to the suburbs. So that was our plans stymied. Now we must wait until Monday - not very long, but still frustrating when you are both having such a good time.

A is now my favorite fuck. But I shall not be telling D that any time soon. J, sensibly, does not ask what the hell else I am up to, and K is similarly uninquisitive, though I think she would enjoy hearing about my various adventures and experiences.

A will be the best person to talk to of all, I think. She has really only been active as a liar, cheat and adulterer (LCA) since January, but she is certainly clocking up the adventures and experiences. Perhaps, depending on how things develop, I will ask her to contribute to the blog, as she has a lot to say. And the woman's side of the market is quite different.

The asymmetry between men and women in the straight sections of CL, in Lavalife, Ashley Madison, and so on, is colossal. A post by a woman on CL's Casual Encounters will probably generate hundred responses. A post by a man may produce none at all. So it is a market in which women hold most of the advantages. But the number of women who are pursuing no-strings-attached (NSA) sexual adventure is relatively small, so it may be that the majority of men who are reading posts and responding to them will get nowhere at all. Yet I have been moderately lucky - and with A at least there are a fair few others who have been so too. But J has hooked up with no-one but me, nor K, nor D. So A may be the anomaly.

I am extremely tired - up most of the night with D, in a nearby hotel. I think the level of sexual activity is also draining, though I have not come all that much; not at all with J on Thursday morning, and only once with A on Thursday afternoon; not with K on Friday morning, but once with D on Friday evening and then again with D on Saturday early; then with A at lunchtime today (Saturday). Keeping an erection has been pretty straightforward, with judicious dosages of Viagra on a background of Cialis.