Variety

The other day, D wished that she had a dildo modelled on my cock, so that she had something that felt like my cock - something that was the same size and shape, anyway - to play with between our meetings.

D's wish makes sense, even if it is not likely to be fulfilled. A corresponding wish on my part, for a model of her cunt to play with, makes no sense at all. This says something very interesting about the difference between cocks and cunts.

In a typical session at the Kew, D's cunt goes through many, many changes. Opening her up for the first time with my cock, it feels almost as though I am making a hole for my cock: her cunt-lips part grudgingly, and snap back tightly onto the shaft once I have the head completely inside. Then there is the delicious, slow drive to get as deep as I can, which is sometimes a steady forward motion, but more often a series of slips and stops. Each time I draw back, my foreskin remains in place, held by the tightness of her cunt, so when I push forward again, I get the delightful sensation of double-fucking, as the head of my cock moves first inside my own foreskin and then against the walls of D's cunt.

Though D now comes very easily from fucking, she nearly always needs some contact with her clit to trigger orgasm, so I need to be deep before she can work herself against me and bring herself off. That first orgasm usually brings a nice gush of cunt-juice, so thrusting immediately becomes much smoother, slicker. Then we can begin to play around: short, jabbing pokes, or long, stately piston-strokes; deep grinding, or clit-bumping; working the angles, varying the tempo. Every time D comes, her cunt changes. The muscles in and around her cunt become more active, and she gets more adept at feeling my cock with her cunt, grabbing at the head as it moves in and out, or clutching at the base in order to bring her clit down to rub against me so she can come again. Some climaxes are cock-crushing, others like the fluttering of flags. I can trigger them with my cock, but also by going down on an armpit, or pinching a nipple, and each one is different, and changes the feel of her cunt in different ways.

I have no idea what the biomechanics of all this cunt-action is. It feels as though different groups of muscles are at work at different times, that some tighten while others relax, that each orgasm takes leave from the last, and points forwards to the next. The viscosity of her cunt-juice varies too: sometimes it is impossibly slick, so that fucking is almost sensation-free; sometimes it is splashy, or creamy; sometimes it is sticky, so my foreskin drags even more. Add on to all this variety of muscle-grip and lubrication, all the different angles of attack, all the different positions for fucking, all the different moods, and it is obvious that nothing but a cunt can do the work of a cunt.

Can a dildo do the work of a cock? It is true that my cock changes over the course of a long session. It varies in size and hardness. Once D is well opened up and lubricated, I can get my cock inside her even when it is semi-soft, and then we enjoy the delightful feeling of me fucking myself hard again inside her. It would be impossible to begin fucking with my cock that soft, as I could never open her up, but once D has come many times, her cunt seems to want nothing but my cock. Pinning her legs back, I can slip my listless cock inside her cunt lips, and she and I then go to work to stiffen me up. This is something that no dildo I know of can do. But compared to cunts, cocks are extremely limited organs. Apart from a little twitch here and there, there is nothing that I can do just with my cock, for it is gristle rather than muscle. A strap-on, suitably realistic in texture, can therefore do just about anything a cock can do.

Except, of course, that I am uncircumcised. Circumcision, advocated since antiquity precisely because it reduces the pleasure of fucking for both the man and the woman, turns a cock into a dildo. I pointed out to D that even the most accurate model would feel nothing like my cock because it would lack a foreskin. She still thought it would be fun to have one. I wonder how to go about having one made.

Knowing how to be fucked

D, right from the start, knew how to be fucked. She knew how to be fucked as well as I knew how to fuck. From the start, we fucked well - as well as I knew how, as well as she knew how, as well as we knew how.

The fucking got better. We always fucked as well as we knew how to fuck, so as the fucking got better, we learned how to fuck better. The better we fucked, the better we knew how to fuck; the better we knew how to fuck, the better we fucked. This remains true - each time we fuck we add something new, or deepen something old, or build on what has gone before. After two-and-a-half years, we have no reason to believe that more lies behind us than ahead.

D and I know how to fuck each other really well. That knowledge is shared, belonging to neither of us independently of the other. At the start, I knew how to fuck, but this knowledge had nothing to do with D in particular. Though I now know how to fuck D very well, that knowledge is to do with D rather than anyone else, and belongs to her just as much to me. There is not much that I have learned that she has not, or that she has learned that I have not - but there is a lot that we have learned.

At the start, D knew how to be fucked, but not how to fuck. I knew how to fuck, but not how to be fucked. We have learned from each other, and D now fucks as well as I, and I am fucked as well as she.

How did I learn to be fucked? We went through an intermediate, strap-on phase in which D took my ass, but that was only a phase. The strap-on has not been out of the bag in months. Instead, almost every time we are together, I lie back so D can fuck me, climbing on top just as I climb on top of her when she lies back to be fucked. She rides my cock, fucking me as she likes. Sometimes, if we are in the mood, I will give her my cock to fuck me with, a switch that is easier to make when stoned but possible even when unstoned. It is remarkable how, if I am fucked at the right time in the right way, I can feel D driving my own cock into me. Occasionally, the illusion is complete, and I feel her cock thrusting up inside my cunt. At other times, it is more like a blending, or an inversion, a rewiring by which sensations in my cock are processed as sensations of her cock in my cunt. But however it is accomplished, it is - cheering again for a moment - amazing.

D likes to fuck, and I like to be fucked. It is good to be fucked, and good to fuck. So it is good that we know how to fuck and be fucked by each other so well. I think any complete sexual connection should have this symmetry. I have had only one such connection in my life before this, and that was twenty-five years ago. It is wonderful to have such a connection again.