Enough

I understand what it means to have had enough to eat. I also understand what it means to have had enough to drink, though acting on that understanding is sometimes difficult. A long day's work is often quite enough work for one day; perhaps even more often, half a day's work or less is enough work for one day. I do not have enough money, but still, I think there is such a thing as enough money, and I have almost enough. In all these uses, 'enough' makes sense to me; I know how the word works. But 'enough sex' is an expression that is dead to me. I cannot imagine what it means.

I suppose that having had enough sex would manifest itself in not wanting any more - and that is not something that happens with me. If I cannot get it up, and so cannot fuck, still I can be fucked myself, or else I can use my mouth or my hands on the person I am with. If I am not capable of being pleased myself - but that is not something that I understand either - still I am capable of pleasing, and that is enough to make it true that I have not yet had enough. If I could have sex 24/7/52, I would at some point opt for something else. I would read, would listen to music, would walk in the park. But as sex is not available continuously, there is plenty of time for those other activities anyway. And some time does have to to be devoted to work, to family, to sleep.

I have mused before on the notion of addiction in relation to sex, and how different so-called 'sex-addiction' is from classic forms of addiction such as alcoholism or smoking, where the treatment model for overcoming addiction is total abstinence. This model would only make sense for sex-addiction if sex is in itself bad, and justified only for the purpose of reproduction. I do not think this is a crazy view, and it seems to have been St Paul's position, and that of many other Christians. But as there is no reason to think that sex is bad in itself, and as we can easily sever the connection between sex and reproduction, this view can be ignored.

Someone who spends a few hours a day masturbating, taking time and effort away from work and family and friends, would probably be thought to have a problem. I am not sure why. It depends on how they jerk off, I think. If it is wanking fuelled by violent pornography or degrading fantasies, done guiltily and furtively, accompanied by shame, it is problematic. But if done happily, out of love for one's own pleasure and the joy of sexual self-expression, I cannot see much that could be wrong. Addiction to bad sex is bad, but addiction to good sex is good: that means it is not a case of addiction at all.

Can there be too much good sex? Only if there is an answer to the question: how much good sex is enough? When D and I have had a long time together, we have fucked about as much as it is humanly possible to fuck in the time available. Our trip upstate more than a year ago, for example, contained about as much fucking as could have been fitted into the time, given the need to travel, to eat, to sleep at least an hour or two. But that was a special occasion, honeymoon-like. The nights or weekends that I have been able to spend with D or F or A are also unrepresentative, setting a sexual pace that could not be maintained over a longer period. For a more representative sample, take a few days at random; say, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Yesterday: I fucked C in the morning before going to work - fifteen or twenty minutes of fucking, in the course of which she came and then I did. Then in the afternoon, D came to my office and we went at each other for about seventy-five or eighty minutes, with hardly a break. Cunt-fucking, ass-fucking, cunt-eating, cock-sucking. She came any number of times, I came just once.

Today: somewhat excessive, as I spent two hours with Q at the Liberty Inn, which was quite stunning. The active sex was perhaps only ninety minutes, but a huge amount got done in that time. Then, somewhat later, I spent a brief hour with F, all of it devoted to one sex-act or another. And then I spent approaching two hours with J, though chunks of time in that period were spent talking.

Tomorrow: as far as I know, the day's activities will be confined to a visit to Q at her home, for around two hours.

Too much? Well, today I was a little stretched out even by the time I got to F, as Q is really amazing, and a big drain on resources. But even with J, I managed to get it up for long enough to give her a decent fucking - the best fuck she has had since the last time I fucked her, she said.

I understand that, in the absence of wealth sufficient to permit it, a life devoted entirely to sexual pleasure is not possible. I have to work, and given that I have to work, it matters that I do it well rather than badly. So one criterion for assessing whether some amount of sex is too much is whether it has a deleterious effect on my work. And that is hard to determine - it is true that I shirk some duties in order to fuck, and others I do more hastily, less carefully. On the other hand, it is easy to do about as well as anyone else does while maintaining an over-active sex-life. I may be a shirker, but so are many of my colleagues, and they are not having as much fun as I am (or at least, they surely don't look as if they are).

I have more sex than most people do, and perhaps that is all that 'too much sex' means. But I like sex, and I am quite good at it, and there is not much else that I like that I am good at. So it is not surprising that I devote more time, energy, and attention to it than most people.