Mixing it up

Anyone describing this blog to another would find it hard to make it sound at all interesting: "This middle-aged, mid-life-crisis, married guy fucks the same couple of women each week and then writes uninterestingly about it." The cast of characters hardly changes; the posts are not pornographic enough to jerk off to. So what reason do any of my readers (you three know who you are) have to keep up with their reading? This week, however, has been unusual. New characters, new acts, and so new things to think about, and write uninterestingly about.

On Wednesday at midnight, I met AA in an upscale hotel room in midtown - described by him as a 'corporate hotel suite' - and we spent a couple of hours together. On Saturday, I visited CJ for forty-five minutes or so at her apartment. CJ gets 'her' rather than 'his' as a possessive pronoun because that is how CJ wants to be, for me and anyone else plucked out of CL and into reality; she is a woman, albeit one whose ass is referred to as a cunt by me and a pussy by her (remind me sometime to post something about the whole pussy/cunt dichotomy), and whose pretty little cock is referred to as a clit. CJ, in other words, is somewhere in the vastnesses of t-territory: a cross-dresser, a t-girl, a woman inexplicably missing an orifice but having a very large clit in compensation. AA, by contrast, is a man who likes to be fucked by another man. AA is a bottom. That makes me, the fucker rather than fuckee, a top. With AA, then, there is almost no conceptual space for me as an agent of pleasure rather than a patient; I have to be pleased, but cannot please - or cannot please except in so far as I am pleased. CJ is not a bottom but a woman, so the dynamic is utterly different. Women I love to please, and am good at pleasing; CJ is another. At some high level of generality, everything that happened between me and AA, or between me and CJ, is 'sex'. Below that level of generality it is unclear how to partition things, but we can at least be confident that there are a lot of people who would assign what happened between me and AA, and me and CJ, to the 'same-sex sex' category. Already this gets things entirely wrong. I would prefer a partition that followed the contours of the active/passive distinction, and that would put AA in a totally different category from CJ.

AA and CJ were both CL recruits. There are many, many things to say about CL, but in this context I am struck by the asymmetry in identity that goes along with (and is presumably either consequent upon, or else productive of) the marketplace asymmetries that drive the continual deep currents, and so also the superficial froth, of CL personals. I am not a poster, but a responder, and in CL world that may be the single most important partition. Responders can be, in their responses, a bottom to a top, or a man to a woman, or a man to a t/g/v/s; I can be a man writing to another man who, being ftm, began life assigned female gender, but who is now a gay man with a cunt that (for all I know) has to be referred to as a pussy though it is really an asshole. Responders are what posters are looking for, because in responding, the responder decides to be what it is that the poster is looking for. AA was looking for a discreet, bi, married top to serve, and that is what he got. CJ was looking for a man to come over and play around with her cunt and nipples, to finger her and and go down on her, and that is what she got.

Where am I in any of this? To be polymorphously perverse is to have no sexual character at all, and I sometimes wonder if that is true of me. But I would rather put it this way: my default settings are those of a straight man who takes pleasure from a woman by giving pleasure to her as a woman. Without too much adjustment, I can also take pleasure by giving pleasure with women who are biologically male (whatever the fuck that means - probably nothing at all), or with indeterminate third-sex people. I can run for a while as a straight man who wants to be serviced, and the servant can be a woman, a man, something in between. Or I can adjust my settings so that it is me shifting towards the neutrality at the centre of the gender spectrum: with D's jeans on, I can be some teenager who is being Mrs Robinsoned, or a butch boi girl being done by an older femme; or I can drift further, in panties and a skirt, to be fucked by D with the strap-on. I have no idea whether CJ is, for someone else, a guy's guy, and I am not sure my range of readjustment could get me far enough for me to be that someone else. I am sure that I could not be the man sexually servicing another man that AA was for a couple of hours in that lavish corporate hotel suite last Wednesday at midnight. Or not yet.

Details? Well, AA gave me an amazingly good handjob towards the end of our time, gripping my cock at just the right moment to intensify the ejaculation - I spurted a lot, hitting myself in the throat. That was after a lot of cocksucking, and a lot of ass-fucking. I would not describe AA as my type - a little too hairy, perhaps. But nevertheless, I found I could enter into the designated role very easily and then enjoy it to the hilt. With CJ, the same was true: I fell easily into the faction that I was a man dropping by to take a woman who was just a little too willing to give it up to a stranger. And when I went down on her while fingering her cunt and helped her come, I felt that I was psychologically and sexually straddling concurrent understandings of what was happening. I was a man eating out a women, fingering her cunt while licking and sucking on her clit. I was also a man with his finger up another mans's ass, blowing his little cock until he came. Two sex acts for the price of one - or rather, as I am not paying for any of this, two birds with one stone. But that is not right either. A bird in the hand, also in the bush? Robbing Peter to pay Paul? Maxims and metaphors are of little use - really a better analogy would be one of those hokey, parallel-universe episodes on Star Trek, where some little phase-distortion in the space-time continuum means that you really can do two things at once, be in two different places simultaneously, engage in two different scenes, be two different people, fuck an ass and a cunt with the same cock, at the same time.