The most obvious truth about fucking is that it takes two. The word 'intercourse' gets that right, for fucking is like talking. It takes two to talk, it takes two to fuck. Talking to oneself is not talking at all.
Bad talk is very common. She lectures; he hectors; he tunes out; she nods encouragingly without attending; neither have anything much to to say to each other, nor much desire to hear. Marriages die from bad talk much more often than from bad sex, though the two are ultimately linked. C loves me, but doesn't want to hear from me; I love her, but she has nothing interesting to say me. Without the intercourse of talking, the intercourse of fucking is forced to survive on its own merits, and there are few sexual connections tight and tensile enough to do that for years on end.
Bad sex is also very common. He bangs away mindlessly the way the guy does in porn; she takes over clit-rubbing because who knows better than she does what works for her? He drifts into reverie while lapping away; she keeps up a stream of 'Yes' and 'Give it to me!' while going nowhere; neither really engage the other at all. C loves me, but cannot devote herself sexually; I love her, but get nothing back from my devotion but gratitude for scratching her itch (and, she presumes, my own as well). Fucking of this sort, in the absence of the other intercourse of talking, is thin gruel to live on.
Engage the other: good advice in debate, on the battlefield, in an adversarial court, or a philosophical dialogue; good advice also when fucking.
How precise is the fucking/talking parallel? Not very. D - metaphors jump the tracks here - cuts across the grain. Fucking D is amazing, talking to her not at all. Good talking, like good fucking, requires counter-pressure. D's mind and attention interacts oddly, if at all, with mine, and the cheapest way to generate counter-pressure - a solution I avail myself of too often, sadly - is to bypass thought and summon up resistance by frustrating her emotions. But this cheap shot tells only against me. The truth is that D is an amazing fuck, simpliciter. She is not, and is not required to be, anything more. Yet she is much more, in ways that I register but do not and cannot appreciate.
Fucking cannot be entirely like talking if I can fuck with D so well, and talk with her so feebly. But I know which, of fucking and talking, I would go without if I had to.
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So what is your point--good sex often requires good talk, but not always, if the sex is good enough? Or that you are happiest with a partner you can't talk to?
ReplyDeleteLCA:
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a reasonably intelligent individual with an exacerbated sense of yourself and of course plenty of sociopath traits but nonetheless a man that is some ways is brilliant, why you do not retry to redirect your addiction to sex toward more fulfilling areas? If you care I can suggest ☺
You can suggest areas that you believe to be more fulfilling than sex. But that will just show that you haven't had good enough sex yet. Fucking is not fulfilling, but nothing is fulfilling, so nothing is more fulfilling than fucking. There is no such thing as a thing worth doing, so no such thing as a thing more worth doing than fucking. Or have you not been paying attention?
ReplyDeleteThe anonymity and limitations of text leave me, the reader, wondering if some, any or all of the women you fuck would be considered by most of us men to be attractive or perhaps even hot. Just curious.
ReplyDeleteHot or not? Well, the sex is hot sex, from which I think it follows that the women are hot (and that I am hot too). I judge them hot. Some other men would, some other men wouldn't. I think every woman is hot to some men, and some women hot to every man. The question, then, is whether D or F or E or Q are the 'hot to every man' type or just the 'hot to some men' type. Probably, they are the latter.
ReplyDeleteAre there some men for whom every woman is hot? I am not quite such a man, but I come close.
And A and B and S and L and Z and whomever are the "hot to every man" type? Why did you choose those particular people for your list, I wonder?
ReplyDeleteD, F, E, Q: I would say I chose them at random, but without a randomizing device, that can hardly be true. I don't know who is hot to every man, and perhaps there are no women of that sort. What other men think is of no consequence to me. I cannot find a woman sexy because other men find her sexy.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes a while to find someone sexy, and sometimes it happens right away. Sometimes it never happens. This is what is tagged 'chemistry', I suppose - but most chemical reactions require extensive preparation if they are to take place. It can take a long time to determine that a gas is inert, and chemicals have to be mixed in the right order if combustion is to take place. Sexual chemistry works the same way, I think.