Schools close, work is disrupted, alternate side of the street parking regulations are suspended, and the routines of adultery have to be abandoned. What is normally possible becomes impossible - but some things that are normally impossible become possible in exchange.
On Thursday, I saw J, who I have not fucked in a long while, in part because our schedules make it difficult. But I did not get to fuck her very much; I could not sustain a decent erection. We still managed to have a lot of fun, but J is someone who likes to be fucked very long and very hard, and that I could not do. I had somewhat similar problems a couple of weeks ago with Z, but then I was also dealing with condoms, which are for me a major detumescent. In Z's case, the fact that the circuit of pleasure is broken by her lack of sensation below the waist is presumably part of the cause. But then what is going on with J? She is a huge woman. I find her vastness extremely pleasing. So I do not think it has to do with that.
On Friday, I spent the afternoon with D at the Liberty Inn, where I have not been for a while. I got stoned while D remained unstoned, and we had a lot of fun. I wrote to her:
Dear, devoted, delightful D,
You were the one not stoned, so really the recap of yesterday is your responsibility. But I will tell you some of the highlights for me - though of course it was all highlights, from the moment that you began sucking my cock while I was smoking the joint and slowly getting stoned. That was a great blowjob, and then much later we had the deep-throat blowjob. I do like to force your head down on my cock, if you will not take it quite as deep as you can without me doing so. But I also love it when you force yourself to take my cock as deep as you can.
Well, that first blowjob flowed into the fucking, with you sitting on my cock and it was then that I talked about having someone film us so that you could watch yourself fucking me. When you came - it seemed like a long, long orgasm, with you riding the shaft of my cock with your clit and working the head of my cock inside you - you turned and watched yourself fucking and coming in the mirror. So sexy, so natural and right.
You did not sit on my face in the way that you usually do until right at the end, but of course we had the 69 before that. You said that you really cannot do it, whereas I can, but I don't think that is right - perhaps if we had both been stoned. For me, I felt like I needed to focus on your clit until I got going, fell into a rhythm, and then I could open up to what you were doing to my cock and add it to the mix. But it is easy for the blending to stop, and I am so happy when I am devoting everything to your cunt that my own sensations in my cock cannot add very much to my pleasure, if you see what I mean. But just as I ate you out while I was fucking you the other day at the Kew, I think some time I will be able to fuck you while I am eating you out, my cock in your mouth and my mouth on your cunt.
What else yesterday afternoon? When we were having a conversation about the threesome, you gave me a handjob, and I kissed you, played with your nipples, and then fingered you - and that led into one of those sequences of over-the-top orgasms in which I was working your g-spot (if that was what it was) with my fingers while licking and sucking your clit. I do not know what more I can do to take you higher, or deeper - but if there is anything I can do, I will do it. I fantasise about you squirting - and you really should just piss all over me sometime too, as I want you to let everything go, give me everything that you have.
Lots of fucking, in your cunt, your ass, your cunt again. Very hard pounding, in your cunt and your ass. Also long, rhythmic strokes, which seem sometimes like a brush sweeping over the same spot again and again, slowly deepening the colour and intensifying it. I love that aspect of stoned fucking - repetition of the same thrust or the same movement always adds something to the previous thrust or movement, so it is like climbing a staircase - and a real staircase rather than a Stairmaster because we really are climbing together, getting higher and higher.
I came all over you. That is always fun - I sprayed seed on my face, your face, your hair, your breasts, your belly.
D, you are incredible, amazing, wonderful, spectacular.
Meanwhile, F has been a little sniffy with me, after I made the mistake one day last week of telling her that I had fucked C in the morning before coming to see her at lunchtime. She asked that in future I cancel visits to her if I have fucked C beforehand that day, which I in turn reacted badly to, reminding her that C is the one I have commitments to, rather than her. I am sure this will blow over.
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Do you tell these women you are doing more than one? I am curious as I have a recurrent married partner that insists I am the only one but I heard thru the grapevine I am not. How do you suggest getting a cheater to admit so?
ReplyDeleteWell, why do you want to know? If he is confident that you won't be upset, threaten to dump him, or insist he gives up others, he will tell you. But if he stands to lose you, or lose the others, he won't.
ReplyDeleteSome of the women I fuck know that I fuck other women. Some prefer a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. Some are in your situation.
I am a liar, a cheat, and an adulterer, and presumably your partner is too. We lie, we cheat, we screw around. It would be odd if it were only our wives that we lied, cheated, and screwed around on, wouldn't it?
LCA, this is a bit of a cop out, isn't it? I mean, sure, you're a cad anethesthetizing himself with sex, in large part lacking concern for the welfare of your partners except during the sexual act, but not all men are. Indeed, many non-monogamous men do choose to restrict their partners to women who are okay with their choice to be non-monogamous (and may have made the same choice themselves). Moreover, many married men choose to lie only where they absolutely have to--when their primary partners (their wives) have indicated that they really don't want to know, and they are putting their marriage, and with it their children's welfare, at risk by telling the truth.
ReplyDeleteLCA, by contrast, apparently decided that because he has to lie to his wife, he might as well lie to each and every one of his partners, to the extent convenient, and even attempt to manipulate these women (and men?) with lies about his own constancy. He has thrown in the ethical towel, in essence. Pity his poor therapist, because LCA can likely cover this decision with the most elegantly crafted rationalizations, or, if they do not quite work, simply retire to the sizable hole in his heart which probably contains, at times, the iciest, most corrosive darkness and rage one can imagine. And pity poor LCA because, because of this, he probably sometimes cannot feel very much, at least not compared to most of the rest of us. Not child-like joy in a beautiful day, or affection and trust in those he cares for and respects, or the remarkable and hard-won pleasure of an admired friend's deep affection and trust. Those "ors," by the way, are conjunctive.
Which is not to say that LCA is a bad guy--I'm certain he's a warm, brilliant, charming, sexually gifted man -- but that it is possible that his own moral/ethical/existential numbness keeps him from caring much about the pain of others, even pain he inflicts himself and might readily avoid with a few truthful words. But i'm guessing here. Apologies, LCA, if i have insulted or misdescribed you--it is not meant that way. It is meant as an explaination to a faithful reader whose lover has broken faith with her.
And i digress. Anonymous, first, having been there (more than once, alas), if you believe he is seeing others and lying, he is. This is what some men do. No point in setting elaborate traps to get verification, or to show him that you know. That's just a waste of time and creative energy--why bother when you could use that same energy finding someone equally amazing who values you?
Second, if the non-monogamy and lying does not bother you too much, as LCA astutely suggests, then perhaps, you should either close your eyes to it, or reassure your LCA that you know about it, and can deal with it. He may or may not admit that he's been lying to you, but, after all, what difference does it make? In either event, he has chosen to lie to you, and this is something you must live with if the relationship is to continue. It is probably better to reassess the relationship as a whole, and realize that you have chosen a dishonest person to care for, and make adjustments accordingly, than to spend much energy trying to make the damned thing work better.
There are those, of course, who would differ on this. My ex-lover who was an LCA (with multiple girlfriends) recently left his wife and moved in with his single girlfriend. She made a point of telling him that his LCA behavior (which she too found out about) was, to her mind, not about her. In order to get her to stay with and marry him, he has agreed to stop seeing other people. But this approach requires a man who wants to stay with you, and who wants to be honorable, and, probably more importantly, is needy enough to need the promise of your constancy to him. The question then remains of what happens when he is sure of you. So i don't, on balance, think this approach is worth it in most instances. On the other hand, who was it who said that reformed rakes make the best husbands?
Third, alternatively, if you cannot deal (if the lying or the behavior bothers you, or unduly inconveniences you), look for someone who fits your needs better, and blow the LCA off. Splendid as the LCA may be, there's life after him.
And LCA, tell me, do you lie to the readers of your blog too? For example, was this a real comment? Or did you make it yourself so you could respond to it and so on?
Anonymous's comment is real. Yours, however, is not. But thanks for the expression, 'throwing in the ethical towel'. I am sure I shall soon have occasion to use it.
ReplyDeleteMine is very much real, and I meant to sign it. There is nothing untruthful in it, or nothing intended to be untruthful, after all.
ReplyDeleteYou know, on second reading, although i meant to be truthful, I think, as seems to inevitably happen when we try to be truthful, I was somewhat inaccurate and therefore unfair. I apologize to you, LCA, and your readers. Rereading your blog, i see that you do like and care about many of your partners, although, IMHO, lying tends to dilute that a bit. But I was wrong on my opening salvo or two, and I apologize if the rhetoric in my comment was unduly harsh or inaccurate or bleak. I was trying to make a point with it, which is that lies of this kind do cause pain, and, in some cases, a lot of pain, and that the pain is of the liar's making. We are not all equally light-hearted and light-footed about sexual relationships, however irrational that may seem. What's more, as i have said before, lying is also painful because it can amount to a way of defeating friendship--and of thereby denying a sexual relationship depth. But your mileage may vary, and has, of course. So apologies. Just too provocative a question for me to pass up, i'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteMy main concern is sexual transmitted diseases. If this man is having an affair with me, and is lying about also being with others besides his wife then THAT is a real risky thing according to my doctor. I dont need to get herpes, chlamydia, HIV because he is screwing other women who in turn I am certain are active with others. In other words, just how many people am I sleeping with here?
ReplyDeleteAnd I told him I wanted the TRUTH and that I would not judge him or end it. He still insists I am the only other woman, but alas, I do believe he is lying.
The concern is not so much ethical as medical; Candy seems to have got hold of the wrong end of the stick and yet still used it to beat me with. I doubt that she likes that preposition at the end of the sentence - as Churchill said, that was "something up with which I will not put."
ReplyDeleteSTDs are a serious matter, but if you fuck no-one but your married lover, you cannot transmit anything to anyone. If I were in that situation I would not be terribly concerned, as most of these diseases (HIV is an obvious exception) are easily treated. Think of the risks as akin to the risk of injuries from sports. Gonorrhea is certainly not as bad as a broken ankle sustained while skiing, and fucking is a lot more fun than skiing, isn't it?
Neither D nor F fuck anyone but me; A is very active sexually but careful, so represents a low risk; J practices safe-sex with everyone, as does Z. So I think I am relatively safe. But of course one STD that I have to come clean about to my wife represents disaster.
HPV is not necessarily treatable (although there is a vaccine), and genital herpes, once gotten, cannot be gotten rid of (however, if caught immediately, it is controllable with drugs,but there can still be unpleasant outbreaks); Chlamydia may have long-term effects on fertility (i don't know Ms. Anonymous's age, or whether this is a concern for her). But here's the point: if she is having unprotected sex with someone she doesn't wholly trust on the health front, and she doesn't have any other objection to his activities, why doesn't she just protect herself -- this limits the risk if she suspects multiple additional partners? Or will her married feller not permit or enjoy the use of protection?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, oddly enough, i think my ethical concerns have a practical and medical side too--if someone tells me the truth, i can honestly decide what to do with my body based on that information. With misinformation, i may take risks I did not intend -- and be harmed accordingly.
And, LCA, honestly, really, I don't give a fuck about your grammar. I just pretend to in order to yank your chain. (But thanks for taking my outburst in good humor--don't know what got into me, it's been a long time since i grabbed either end of your stick and beat anything with it, needless to say. And probably a good thing too.)
Candy, you are quite right. The ethical thing to do is to be honest, open, truthful. But - and here we are back at the beginning - the ethical thing to do is not to be a liar, cheat, and adulterer in the first place.
ReplyDeleteCandy, you are quite right. The ethical thing to do is to be honest, open, truthful. But - and here we are back at the beginning - the ethical thing to do is not to be a liar, cheat, and adulterer in the first place.
ReplyDeleteWell, this is what i don't understand, LCA. To my mind there is a vast difference between the lies one must tell in order to avoid harm (i.e., to protect others, like one's family, or a spouse who just doesn't want to know), and the lies one could avoid--like not disclosing multiple partners to a lover who requests it, and may have health concerns, or other concerns unknown to one. Are these the same? And, if so, how?
ReplyDeleteCandy- I like you and your posts. Wish we were buds...lol This is my exact problem. Like I said to him, WHY lie to ME? I am not your wife, plus I am married as well. So we BOTH would want to avoid getting any STD's because then we'd be up sh*ts creek without a paddle. Herpes is forever as well. Plus this guy enjoys uprotected sex plus anal. Now that is a scary thought if one of these other women CLAIMS they are only with him, but they are not. After all, women lie too, I have girlfriends that lied to their partners, it is not just men who will lie to keep a partner around.
ReplyDelete