The worst sex I ever had

I was asked, 'What was the worst sex you ever had?'

A difficult question. Set aside sex with whores, some of which really was terrible but some of which was a lot of fun and also very friendly. Set aside also sex with men, which is complicated - at least in my case. Then the answer is probably occasional sex that I had while drunk and depressed in my mid- or late-twenties. Sex that was no good because I was driven by my depression, but incapacitated by my drunkenness. Those were also episodes in which I was in some way dishonest, trying to get my cock inside someone who I was not willing to deal with as a person entire.

Here we are edging around the interesting topic of casual sex. Back then, before Craigslist and the internet and all the wonders that enables, casual sex was a trickier matter. But there were a couple of occasions at least when the model of casual sex worked very well: a barmaid who I ended up spending a lovely afternoon with, and on another occasion a young woman who, I confess, was probably more enamoured of me than I was of her, but who was anyway accustomed (or so I believe) to the idea of casual, one-off sexual encounters.

In general, though, I think it is true that sex is better for being less casual. At the group sex fiasco in Chelsea last summer, I could barely get it up at all, and that has tended to be true when I am trying to fuck someone who I neither know nor care to know. I think that, in my twenties, there were times when I felt as if I ought to be about the business of fucking women when I could, and not caring to get to know them. Casual sex meant fucking without knowing whom one fucked. That now seems to me exactly wrong, for it is really only possible to be casual and uncommitted with someone whom one knows and trusts, or at least someone whom one is in the business of getting to know, and coming to trust.

I have wandered from the topic of the worst sex I ever had. Most of the sex I had with my first serious college girlfriend was not, looking back, all that good. She did not come easily, I came very easily and quickly, so most sex was not satisfying for either of us. MRR, love of my life, was a revelation after that - a woman who wanted to fuck as much as I did, and who came easily and frequently from fucking. She remains - I saw her on a trip to England last year - amazingly the same utterly desirable woman.

I think most of the bad sex I have had has been my fault, and the result of dishonesty on my part. Sex is about encountering another person, and that is not something that can be done usefully under false pretenses. But honesty and openness are not the same, and I do think good sex can happen with a lot being hidden.

These days, I can usually get it up and keep it up, so sex is not crap for that kind of reason. With C I come quite quickly, though usually either at the same time as her if we are fucking, or else afterwards. Sex with her is good, sex with D, F, and A is amazing, wonderful, magnificent. I have no bad sex, and really have not had bad sex for years and years, except at the Chelsea orgy. That may mean that I have low standards. But it may also mean that I know have to have a good time with a girl, whether or not I know how to give a girl a good time.