2007

It is a few days into the new year, and so far things have proceeded pretty much as normal. On Tuesday I spent a couple of wonderful hours with A; on Wednesday I saw F for an hour and a bit in the morning, and D for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Today I visited F again.

My last significant post was back on December 15th, and so various encounters between then and the enforced hiatus of the holidays have not been recorded. But I have lost all conviction that the mere cataloguing of acts and emissions has any point. So it is unclear whether I should continue with the blog, or transform it into something else, or abandon it altogether.

My original intention was, I suppose, twofold: to keep for myself a record of who I fucked, and how I fucked them, in the safest place imaginable - in full public view; and to place in that full public view one slice of the brave new world of lying, cheating, and adultery made possible by Craigslist, Ashley Madison, Lavalife, and similar internet hook-up sites. Neither goal required that my feelings, my fears, my reactions, my regrets be written down. The blog was to be documentary rather than confessional. But in retrospect it is fairly obvious that those motivations were too thin to support the mission of maintaining the blog, and my reaction to the 'missing person' problem was to allow a narrator to emerge for whom all this fucking without any feeling was second nature. Though I quite liked him, he wasn't me; he did seem to be fucking the same women I was, however.

So now what? I am unsure. It is clear that the dispassionate documentary ideal is no good, and I would like to resume my place as the 'I' of these narratives. But that requires more of me to be exposed than I feel comfortable with, especially given that some people mentioned in the blog - A, Z, K - know of it, even if they do not read it.

While I make up my mind, or fail to, I will try to keep as close to the mere enumerations of sexual encounters as I can. But this week's idyll with A cries out for description, as does this morning's bloody bout with F.