J

In the late afternoon, I strolled over to J's, getting just a little stoned on the way. She greeted me in her robe, and once I had my own clothes off I climbed in bed, climbed on top, and so began almost two hours of delightful sex and talk.
J, as I have mentioned before in this blog, is a vast woman. I neither know nor care what her weight is; I am sure that she qualifies as 'clinically obese'. Do I get stoned in order to mask this fact from myself, or to make it more bearable? Not at all. I can see and feel how magnificent J is when unstoned, but being stoned makes her even more real, even more monumental and superb. Just as my appreciation of music is in certain ways enhanced when stoned, so too is my appreciation of a woman like J. Doubled up, as she is when I have her legs hiked over my shoulders, she is solid and liquid: slamming into her she is the immovable object to my attempt at irresistible force, yet the impact of each long, heavy thrust ripples through her in waves. J loves to be fucked hard, and it is a great pleasure to give her what she wants, and to see her getting it. She is not very active in fucking me back, but that too is a pleasure - I get to show off, to work the angles, to sweat and strain over her, to see my effort reflected in her face, registered in her body.

It is not all hard pounding. During a period of rhythmic shafting, we talked, and she told me about some guy who had recently balked at fucking her, opting instead for a handjob. I am a great fan of handjobs, so I have no quibble with that, but she thought that he was deterred by her size. If so, the man was a fool, for J is a truly great fuck, a woman whose cunt is perpetually reinventing itself around my cock as I play around inside her. Over the course of a couple of hours, J's cunt tightens up again and again. It is delightful when this happens during a fuck, as both she and I can feel the steady intensification of her grip on my cock, and that sometimes encourages my cock to harden and grow, which makes the effect even more noticeable. If it happens between bouts of fucking, it makes re-entry deliciously difficult, which is a problem only if I am not quite up to the task of forcing my way in.

First times are never the best times. My first time with J, I had some difficulties staying hard, and we were both a little tense. I had never been with a woman of her size. It was hard to enter the sexual space and remain there because of unfamiliarity. But at some point things began to work properly, and it was obvious that we were capable of having a lot of fun together. So it has proved. We know what positions work given the geometry of our bodies. We know how to fuck. We like each other. Her size is now, to me, extremely sexy, and it is even sexier to reflect that sexiness back to her, to tell her how superb she looks and feels. I would not, for my sake anyway, wish away an ounce of her.

The bile directed at fat women by men is cruel. Comments on this blog that express contempt for fat women are deleted as soon as I see them. But men who are cut off from the possibility of sex with fat women because they cannot see how sexy they can be are sad cases. Sex is always a challenge to the dualism of mind and body. Fat women, driven to distance themselves from their own bodies, to deny that they are properly judged by them, endure the consequences of that dualism in an extreme form. It is an amazing experience to dismiss all of that, to climb on top of J and fuck her, to meet her in her body. I have no idea what it is like to go about the world as J does, dealing with all those who fail to see her; I do know that seeing her as I do when fucking her, I do not look past her body, or look away from it, or look beyond it. I look right at it, for I look right at her.